I am not liking this…

Today’s biggest task is to get at least  one – preferably two – of my history assignments done. Also have some other things to do – most pressing being my reading for tomorrow evening’s Theory & Criticism class, and marking re: my Microcomputer Apps – also need to throw together a exam for that – hopefully today so that I can get it copied and not have to run around looking for a photocopier at 7:30 in the morning on Wednesday.

Oh, and I need to have a bath and marinate the steak and do some more laundry and I’m sure if I kept looking I could think of other things to do and you know what? I am fully aware that at least part of the reason I am coming up with a big long list of things that need doing is because I am procrastinating about doing this last bit of the History of European Women assignment.

We started in about the 16th century …. and now, almost at the end of the readings, we are right smack dab in the middle of the Holocaust. I detest this part – I get that it is a hugely important piece of history – and that it would be tough to design a course about the history of European women without it – but oh, I do so detest this part. It is so disturbing…and upsetting…. and nightmare-inducing.

I have had so many nightmares about the Holocaust. I don’t know why it upsets me so much more than other tragic, horrific events. Being capable of empathy with others’ is good – when you’re working in Child & Youth Work, or with any kids, or people with disabilities, or – just about any job I’ve ever had really – and I have always excelled at the whole empathy gig. But it is a very, very bad ~skill~ to have when it comes time to sit here and read way more than I ever wanted to know about the Holocaust and then answer questions about it.

There is a reason I have never read another book about it after Anne Frank – why I have never watched a movie about it. I hear a bit about it on talk radio or in the news or…. whatever…. I just cringe. I can only take so much – and this…. this is just too much.

I need to get it done so that I can move onto other things that aren’t so damned disturbing. But I don’t wanna!


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